Oh, I’m so sad I entirely lost the photo for this… this, thing. It turns out I never even added it to my ‘Beer Nerd Diaries’ on Facebook, back when that the world’s window into my beerbrain. Perhaps I was just embarrassed.

(I’m only slightly sad that I apparently can’t spell Kaiapoi, even when the beer label was staring me in the phiz. I’ve long since comes to terms with that fact that, for a Trivia Nerd, my New Zealand Geography is relatively rubbish.)

A case of this arrived with the traditional Massive Swag of Stuff before the beer festival in August, and a good many of these were still in the fridge six months later. Perhaps owing to the laughably-homebrewish label that I so very much wish I could show you. It was a beer from another time, it seemed, one when ‘No Added Sugar’ was something worth bragging about rather than a minimum condition for the merest scrap of credibility.

It smelt utterly awful, and tasting alarmingly… nothing. One really does wonder how they managed that. Or, indeed, why. Two local boys were over the moon to see that we stocked it, but had the dignity to have that classic hometown combination of embarrassment and pride as they insisted Peter and I try it. I’m glad we did, because I’m just that much of a masochist / empiricist, but honestly, I’d rather a Tui,¹ if I ever found myself in the mood for something of the style.

Verbatim: Kaipoi Draught 25/3/09 nicked from Malty 330ml Been in the fridge since Beerfest in September. Two boys from Kaipoi insisted we try. Smells like arse, or silage. Doesn’t taste too bad, because not much at all. “No added sugar” and all that sad branding. And “draught”. Hrmph. What a word in need of retirement.

1: A few months later, some mischievous staff — on the occasion of my 30th birthday, and of DB winning an award in their class for it — amended my “Staff Pick” on the Big Blackboard to Tui. I decided just to own it, and insist that people actually give it a go, for its historical oddness.

A keg of this arrived at work, so I gave it another go, and was grateful I did. It will taste a little different off tap, of course — but my last try of it was also after a long day of dark beers; not the best sampling conditions. It’s fresher and less blunt than I remember, but still very much drier and punchier than the traditional after-work Tuatara Pilsner. That said, I still find it nicely smooth and refreshing.

Verbatim: Three Boys Pils. 17/1/09 $9 at work 425ml 5.5%. On tap, briefly. And I’m liking it a whole lot better. Fresher, less blunt Steinlagery nose to it. Very much drier than a Tuatara, but still smooth + refreshing.

Afterthoughts, November 2010: And herein lies a good lesson about tasting beers; try not to do too many at once, and pay a lot of attention to what you’ve just been having before you had the thing you’re trying. These cross-pint effects are huge, with beer, I find.

Which makes for another reason why a proper Beer Nerd will take ages to answer the usual “What’s your favourite beer?” question, if they answer it at all, rather than simply objecting to its terms. Favourite for what? For when? When I’m drinking what else? When I’m eating what? When the weather is how? If I’m planning on having how many? Be very suspicious of anyone with a predictable, perennial pint; they’re probably not a Proper Nerd.

Although winner of its class at the relatively-recent Beer Festival here in town, I hadn’t gotten around to trying one. And damn, was I missing out. It’s genuinely fantastic. Originally (the story goes) brewed to go with the food from the curry house near the brewery (hence the name), it’ll give people who dismiss lagers as uninteresting something to think about. It’s got light fruity flavours swimming around in it — a limey citrusiness, passionfruit, and even a suitable drift of mango — but they’re only there through clever choices of malts and hops; no cheating additions of fruit juice or whatnot. It’s nicely dry and crisp, and would indeed go gangbusters with a curry.

Verbatim: Invercargill ‘Biman’. 17/1/09 $8 at work. 330ml 5.2%. Golden lager, made to match the curry at the place near the brewery. Fruity, but only through Cleverness. No cheating. Citrusy, and with suitable mangoness in there. Quite dry, and crisp. Would indeed be magic w/ curry.

Afterthoughts, November 2010: To quote the brewery’s website: “In 2009, in an attempt to clarify pronunciation, the beer was rebranded, B.man.” To my mind, that’s sad. Not because there’s one too-many commas — I’m definitely not in a position to judge about comma overuse — but because of the running-away in the face of the fairly predictable shall-we-say ‘sexuality-based’ mockery the actual spelling attracted. ‘Biman’ is the name of the man who ran the curry-house which inspired the beer. To hell with the cavemen and their lame humour; stick with the actual inspiration.

Brother and stable-mate of the previous IPA, and further magic out of the usually-all-bad city of Christchurch. It’s a very different sort of a pilsner, and as such might not be liked by people who are regulars to a pint of the (perfectly good) Tuatara Pilsner or whatnot. But I loved it to bits. It’s got a hugely grapey opening, which (I am reliably informed) is a signature of the Nelson Sauvin hops — them that showed up as the golden-kiwifruitiness of the (utterly adorable) Three Boys Golden Ale. It’s long and complex, and totally refreshing at the same time. With that white-winey-ness, it strikes me as being like a gruntified Emerson’s Pilsner.

Verbatim: Twisted Hop Sauvin Pilsner. 29/12/08 $8 @ work 5%. The brother of the IPA above. And further magic. Hugely grapey opening, which Olly says is a Sauvin trait. It’s long and complex, but still totally refreshing. Like a gruntified Emerson’s Pils, brewed with foot firm on the gas.

Afterthoughts, November 2010: This really would come close, if the data were ever examined, to being the all-time, all-round, all-staff Malthouse favourite. We positively zip through this stuff when we’ve managed to wrangle a keg or two; and probably half the sales are directly to the staff. It’s just so delicious, so different, and so refreshing.